


Headache Avenue

by Cydersyrup



Series: Mad Intelligence [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Blood and Injury, Crack, Family Dynamics, Food Fight, Humor, LITERALLY, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, dumb shenanigans, taeil is a tired parent please save this man, taeyong needs a break, the whole parent line needs a break
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26643244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cydersyrup/pseuds/Cydersyrup
Summary: Taeil’s smile is as calm and kind as ever as his single eye rakes over the misfits before him.“Just what,” he says serenely at the nervous group in front of him. “Do you all have to say for yourselves?”Donghyuck sneezes, spraying blood all over the front of Taeil’s desk and the carpet, which is already ruined by the milk dripping off Jisung’s hair and clothes. Jeno winces from where he’s standing behind Renjun, who’s spattered with pancake batter and looking five seconds away from killing someone. Chenle smiles sheepishly, shrinking a little behind Jaemin’s prone form in the wheelchair.“It...was an accident?”
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Park Jisung
Series: Mad Intelligence [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1715650
Comments: 8
Kudos: 176





	Headache Avenue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to installment #6 of my agent AU!!  
> So I haven't really slept in 3 days and this happened.  
> Hope y'all enjoy the fruits of insomnia lol (^o^)~

When Taeyong barges into Taeil’s office at barely 9 AM with his hair standing straight up and a thin black tire tread running from his shoulder to hip, Taeil already knows it’s going to be a _very interesting day_.

“Hyung!” Taeyong all but throws himself in front of the other director, hands grabbing at the hem of Taeil’s sweater as he sinks to his knees. “Hyung, my savior! My grace! The second love of my life!” He wraps his arms around Taeil’s thighs and presses several kisses against Taeil’s hip. “You have no idea how happy I am to see you!”

And okaaay...not the weirdest thing Taeil’s heard or seen from Taeyong, but it’s definitely up there in the rankings. 

“Erm...good morning, Taeyong?”

“You need to help me!” Taeyong begs in a very un-Taeyong-like fashion. His doe eyes are wide and brimmed with tears, his lips trembling with the threat of a sob. “You just HAVE to help me!”

Taeil blinks. “What is it that you need help with?”

“The monsters. The monsters are upon us!” Taeyong babbles.

“Pardon?” Taeil’s pretty sure Taeyong’s lost it at this point. Though judging by how he looks like he just got air-fried and then ran over by a bicycle, Taeil wouldn’t blame him.

“The kids!” Taeyong exclaims, like that’s all the explanation Taeil needs (and it is). “They’re ruining the labs! You’ve gotta stop them, hyung. You’ve gotta do something!”

“I thought that’s your responsibility,” Taeil says, and Taeyong actually sobs a little.

“It _was_ my responsibility. Until Jaemin almost cut through me with that leg of his.”

“He _what_?”

“There’s a laser blade in his prosthetic, hyung. A laser blade! Half a meter long! How did that kid even fit something like that in there?” Taeyong hiccups, burying his face in Taeil’s hip. “How?! How does he do it?”

Taeil sighs softly and gently pets over Taeyong’s hair, not even reacting when the static electricity shocks him. “There, there, Taeyong. The worst of the damage should be resolved by now.”

Taeyong pulls away slightly, leaving a string of snot linking his nose to Taeil’s sweater. His eyes are wide and red from crying. The sight of him like this suddenly pitches Taeil back to fifteen years ago, when they had more reasons to cry than just stress and overwhelming parental anxiety.

“Come on, you’re all gross,” Taeil chides gently as he pulls Taeyong off the floor. He reaches for the tissue box on his desk, and offers it to the younger man. “Here.”

Taeyong takes a handful and blows his nose. “I’m sorry for reacting the way I did, hyung. I’m stressed.”

“I know.” Taeil pulls open his drawers and brings out a small crystal jar filled with colorful sweets. He takes a handful and gently presses it into Taeyong’s hand. “Take these, alright? They’re no anxiety meds but they should help at least a little bit. I’ll call the juniors up and take care of this.”

Taeyong looks between the candy in his hands and Taeil, and for this moment, there’s none of that assertive, powerful leader in him. There’s just Taeyong, tired and still childlike and just doing his best. 

And he really, really doesn’t deserve this.

But that’s not to say Taeil does, either.

He’s just unfortunate enough to be in a better mental state.

* * *

_‘Huang Renjun, Lee Jeno, Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck, Zhong Chenle, and Park Jisung, please report to Director Moon’s office immediately.’_

Jisung coughs. “...shit, you think he knows?”

“If he didn’t know, he’ll figure it out soon,” Jeno says sullenly.

“Well, you saw how fast the chief ran after Jaemin almost cut him in half.”

“You’re the one who mowed him over with your bike, Chenle!”

Chenle throws down his pipe indignantly, the metal clanking loudly against the floor. “Fuck you, Injunnie, I was aiming for Jaemin! Who knew he'd throw the chief in my way?”

“Do you think Director Moon will be mad at us?”

“Maybe. Hopefully not.”

Jeno frowns. “What if he’s mad, though?”

“But he’s so nice.”

Renjun sighs. “Don’t be optimistic, Sungie.”

“How about you don’t be a dick?” Donghyuck suddenly snaps, stepping protectively in front of Jisung. “None of this would’ve happened if you didn’t just do something—”

“ _What_?”

“Injunnie, calm down! Down, boy!” Chenle shrieks, almost slipping as he sprints over to pin Renjun’s arms down by his sides before the assassin can reach for any of his weapons.

“Y’know, I’ve actually seen Director Moon lose his temper before,” Jeno quips. “He’s even worse than Doyoung-hyung when he’s mad.”

Donghyuck groans. “Oh god, we’re all fucked.”

“Well, figure out a way to unfuck us!”

“Why me? This is all Jaemin’s fault!”

“You’re the one who started it, dumbass!”

“All I did was give my boyfriend a kiss! Can’t a man even show some love around here?”

“Guys, please—”

“You know how the idiot reacts when you go around being gross. And I’d say you did more than just kiss—”

“Oh my god, STOP!” Jisung yelps.

_“Hello, young agents and technicians.”_

Everyone winces as Taeil’s voice rings over their earpieces at maximum volume. Chenle is already scrambling to take his off, screaming over the pain in his ear. Jisung looks like he’s about to have a panic attack. Jeno sighs.

 _“Please take advantage of my patience and curiosity at the moment to cease your bickering and come to my office immediately,”_ Taeil says calmly. _“That’s an order.”_

“...yes, sir.”

“Do you think he’ll be nicer if we bring him pancakes?”

“Shut up, Hyuck.”

* * *

_Knock, knock._

“Erm...Director Moon?” Jeno calls, jerking his elbow back when Donghyuck scoots just a little too close for comfort. “It’s us.”

“Come in.”

The door swings open, and everyone files in. Jisung looks like he might cry. Jeno remains firmly behind Renjun, fidgeting and never raising his eyes to look at Taeil. Chenle flashes the director a small smile as he pushes in Jaemin’s unconscious form in a wheelchair, the latter’s prosthetic leg being held carefully in Jeno’s hands. They arrange themselves in a neat group before the director’s desk, backs straight and hands folded respectfully before them.

“You called us, sir?” 

“Yes.” Taeil turns away from his multiple monitors to eye the group before him. “I received a visit from the Chief Director not too long ago, and he seemed...very distraught.”

“Was he?” Donghyuck squeaks.

“Yes, he was.”

Chenle shifts uncomfortably. “Are we in trouble?”

“Take a guess.”

“No?”

Taeil’s eye narrows. “Why don’t you take another guess?”

Chenle bites his lips and bows his head. Jeno sighs. Renjun rolls his eyes up to the ceiling and mutters a rude curse in Chinese that elicits a small gasp from almost everyone present.

“We’re sorry, Director Moon.”

Taeil’s smile is as calm and kind as ever as his single eye rakes over the misfits before him.

“Just what,” he says serenely at the nervous group in front of him. “Do you all have to say for yourselves?”

Donghyuck sneezes, spraying blood all over the front of Taeil’s desk and the carpet, which is already ruined by the milk dripping off Jisung’s hair and clothes. Jeno winces from where he’s standing behind Renjun, who’s spattered with pancake batter and looking five seconds away from killing someone. Chenle smiles sheepishly, shrinking a little behind Jaemin’s prone form in the wheelchair.

“It...was an accident?”

“On whose part?”

Four fingers point at Donghyuck. It would’ve been five, but Jaemin’s still out cold.

“His.”

“Was not!” Donghyuck protests, wiping at his bloody lip. “Hear me out, Director Moon!”

Taeil nods patiently. “I’m listening.”

“Okay.” Donghyuck takes in a deep breath and stands a little straighter. “Sir, to be completely honest, I’m a victim of circumstances.”

“Bullshit,” Renjun mutters under his breath.

Donghyuck ignores him. “I came to work on time this morning, and headed straight down to the labs to greet these other losers—excuse me, Director—and was just going about my day, minding my business, then Jaemin comes flying in out of nowhere and tries to take my head off!”

“You left out the part where you made out with Jisung,” Chenle pipes in helpfully, flashing Taeil a bright grin while Jisung withers, hiding his face behind his hands. Donghyuck shoots him a sharp glare, gesturing with his hands for Chenle to shut up.

And Chenle, being Chenle, does the exact opposite.

“No, really Director! They were like, going at it. And it was way too early in the morning to witness Hyuck’s horniness.”

“Lele, I swear to god—”

“There was tongue and everything. It was explicit.” Chenle shudders. “I almost threw up my pancakes. And you know I can control my gag reflex pretty well.”

Donghyuck shifts towards Chenle. “Lele, shut the fuck up.”

Jeno holds up Jaemin’s prosthetic, blocking Donghyuck from moving any further. “Hyuck,” he says warningly.

“Move, Jeno.”

“Not until you calm down.”

“That prosthetic can’t stop me—”

“The director is _right there_ —”

Renjun closes his eyes and heaves a sigh. “I just wanted some fucking pancakes.”

Taeil frowns in confusion, and holds up a hand. “Stop.”

Everyone immediately freezes.

“What you told me just now makes no sense regarding how you all look at the moment,” Taeil says. “Let’s start from there, shall we? Why is Jaemin unconscious in a wheelchair? Renjun, why is there pancake batter on you? Jisung, how did you get drenched with milk? Donghyuck, why is your lip bleeding?”

Jeno winces. “You want the events chronologically, or in the order you listed them, sir?”

“Start from the top.”

“Well, Renjun and I were in the labs making breakfast,” Jeno explains. “I know it’s against lab protocol, but it’s our weekly pancake day.”

Ah. Pancake day. Taeil wishes that he can be reasonable enough to be confused, but that actually makes a lot of sense now.

“Chenle was working on a new bike of his off in the testing zone,” Renjun adds. “I was cooking the pancakes and Jaemin was mixing the batter.”

Jisung raises a hand timidly. “I was pouring the drinks.”

Chenle nods. “Then Hyuck came in.”

“And kissed Jisung,” Jeno continues.

“And Jaemin saw.”

“Then he went apeshit.”

Taeil nods along with the story. “So the spilled pancake batter and the milk?”

Renjun picks at a spot of dried batter on his sleeve. “Jaemin kinda just shoved the bowl at me and went off. I didn’t catch it too gracefully.”

“Which is code for he just spilled the bowl on himself,” Chenle quips helpfully.

“And Jisung?”

“He was holding an open carton of milk when Jaemin basically ripped him and Hyuck apart, and Sungie kinda fell,” Jeno says.

Jisung ducks his head, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Taeil feels a twinge of pity for the poor boy.

“Then the chief came in.”

“And tried to stop Jaemin from murdering Hyuck.”

“I can take care of myself, thank you very much!” Donghyuck protests. “But to answer your earlier question, sir, that’s why my lip is bleeding. Jaemin punched me. I only fought back out of self-defense.”

Renjun rolls his eyes. “Yeah, like you didn’t try to hide behind each of us because Jaemin pulled a blade outta his leg.”

“Injunnie!” Chenle hisses.

“What? Director Moon probably knows already,” Renjun shoots back. “Might as well fess up now and be spared the worst of it.”

“Indeed,” Taeil agrees, lacing his fingers together on the desk. “I thought we had an understanding that there were to be no deadly weapons in Jaemin’s prosthetic?”

Chenle blinks. “We did?”

Jeno groans. “We did.”

Chenle looks down at Jaemin and back up again at Taeil. “Oh. Well, what a shame Jaemin’s out now, Director Moon. Guess we can tell him to have a one-on-one with you and the chief when he comes to in a couple hours.”

“Chenle,” Taeil chides.

“In our defense, it wasn’t in writing!” the chemist protests. “Jaemin really wanted to be able to fight with his leg, and who am I to deny him anything?” Chenle pouts, poofing up his cheeks for added cuteness. “Honestly, sir. I was just trying to help. I didn’t know.”

Taeil closes his eye and takes a deep, calming breath. “We’ll discuss this later, Chenle. Now, can someone explain why Jaemin’s unconscious in a wheelchair?” 

All eyes turn to Chenle, who looks too proud for his own good. “Oh, that! I shot him in the butt with a tranquilizer.”

Taeil blinks. “In the butt?”

“Yes, sir! Right in the left cheek!” Chenle turns slightly and slaps his own behind for emphasis. “It was by a new dart bracelet we were working on. Just two milligrams of my strongest barbiturate, and boom, down!” He grins, and the sight of it worries Taeil a little bit. “Just two milligrams, Director Moon! That’s even better than before! It used to be four and a half milligrams! But I managed to concentrate the solution enough to increase its potency!”

Taeil covers his face with his hands and exhales slowly through his nose. Taeyong would’ve flipped already at this point. Johnny would be on the floor laughing his ass off. Kun would probably congratulate them for not actually killing each other and call it a day.

Sometimes he wonders where the agency would be if he had retired from NCT, period. It'll probably be run to ruins and lose agents left and right in the field, if he’s being honest with himself. That, or Taeyong will actually lose his damn mind and end up shooting everyone right there in the office. The latter seems just a little more plausible.

Taeil isn’t known for being overly strict, but when the situation calls for it, he has to put his foot down before someone gets killed.

“Okay, first order of business, I have an assignment for the lot of you.” Taeil shifts his eye over each member of the group before him—even Jaemin, unconscious as he is.

“Yes, sir?”

“From what I’ve heard, the lab is due for some cleaning and repairs,” Taeil says. “You were the ones who caused the trouble, so it’s only fair you all be the ones to clean it up, no?”

“But sir!” Donghyuck immediately protests. “Jaemin started this! You can’t punish all of us because he got pissed off and tried to kill me! That’s not fair!”

Renjun nods from beside him. “As much as I’d hate to admit it, Hyuck has a point. Besides him and Jaemin, we were all collateral damage.”

“Hey!”

Jeno raises the prosthetic leg in his hold in lieu of his hand. “I respectfully agree with them, Director Moon. We were victims. We didn’t intend any harm.”

“Yes, but you are a team.” Taeil stands from behind his desk, and the juniors immediately stiffen as the director walks towards them. “And in NCT, everything we do, we do as a team. We’re going to get blown up? We get blown up together. Someone gets shot at? At least two people are going to get hit. Knives come flying at you? You push your fellow agent out of the way and get your eye sliced open.”

All the juniors gulp, gazes shifting to the black patch covering one of Taeil’s greatest assets.

“Yes, I know it sounds counterintuitive and against self-preservation,” the IT director continues. “But my point still stands. It doesn’t matter whose mess it is. So long as one of our own is involved, the rest of us are automatically pulled in.”

Donghyuck whines. “But sir—”

“I understand this may seem antagonizing to you, Donghyuck, but what was done was done. Now, please figure out a way to fix it. And,” Taeil adds. “I expect you all to submit a formal apology to the chief director. And I need video footage of Jaemin doing this, in person. Also, I am confiscating that prosthetic leg.”

Jeno looks down at the leg in his hands and back up at Taeil. “Uh...where are you going to put it, sir?”

“The same place I put everything else our technicians create but aren’t allowed to use on a regular basis,” Taeil deadpans, pressing a button off the side of his desk.

 _“Yes, Director Moon?”_ Jungwoo’s voice calls over the intercom.

“Agent Kim, is the other Agent Kim on the premises today?” Taeil asks, noticing how all the juniors immediately cringed at the mention of the senior agent.

_“Yes, sir. Do you need him urgently?”_

“I do. Please send him to my office ASAP.”

_“Will do, sir.”_

Taeil ends the call, and turns back towards the horrified group. “Well?” he prompts when everyone immediately averts their gaze to anywhere else but him.

“Sir…” Jeno starts meekly. “A-are you going to tell Agent Kim why we’re here?”

“Please don’t,” Jisung begs. “We’ll be in so much trouble! I’ll be running laps until dawn!”

“He’ll ban me from the snack room!” Donghyuck cries. “If I can never eat another honey butter chip then life’s not worth living anymore!”

“He’ll yell at me. Again.” Chenle winces. “I kinda don’t wanna be yelled at.”

Renjun buries his face in his hands and groans loudly, mumbling a string of phrases that sound like every known curse word in all of the four languages that he speaks.

Taeil arches a brow at this, because considering they’ve all been called into the office of one of NCT’s directors, everyone seems infinitely more scared of Doyoung.

And Taeil understands why. He really does.

Not even a minute later, there’s a knock on the door, snapping all the juniors out of their pity party like a switch.

“Come in,” Taeil calls.

Doyoung walks in, clad in his signature all-black attire and looking as cold and aloof as ever. He bows to Taeil without so much as a glance at the young agents and technicians.

“You called for me, sir?”

“Yes.” Taeil gestures at Jeno, who flinches. “Jaemin violated safety protocols with his prosthetic, so I’m confiscating it. I trust you to find a suitable place to keep it.”

Doyoung nods and turns to Jeno, who obediently hands him the leg. “Of course.”

“And Agent Kim?”

“Yes, Director Moon?”

“Do me a favor and escort our young agents and technicians back to the development lab. Make sure they clean up the mess they left.”

Doyoung frowns. “Sir, this mess you’re talking about wouldn’t happen to be associated with the chief director coming into my workspace and having a nervous breakdown, would it?”

Taeil’s eye widens. “He did that to you too?”

“Me, Yuta, Mark, just about everyone on the premises,” Doyoung affirms. “He was just eating candy and sobbing on the floor.”

Four and a half pairs of eyes land on Donghyuck, then Jaemin, then Donghyuck again. Doyoung catches the direction of the stares, and understanding flashes across his features before a scowl replaces it.

“Lee Donghyuck.”

“Yes, Agent Kim?” Donghyuck squeaks, wilting under Doyoung’s murderous gaze.

“You have some explaining to do.”

Donghyuck gulps. “Can I at least wait until Jaemin wakes up?”

“No. Explain when we get to the lab.” Doyoung turns his attention back to Taeil and bows again. “I apologize on behalf of the juniors for any inconveniences caused to you, sir.”

“Don’t worry about it, Agent Kim. Just report back to me when the tasks are completed and we’ll call it even.”

“Right.” Doyoung turns to the youngsters behind him and gestures at the door. Without a single word, they all slink off like scolded puppies, with Doyoung bringing up the rear.

Taeil sighs and sits back down once the room is vacated. Honestly, he’s surprised he hasn’t suffered a headache yet. At this point, it would be a good thing. The lack of any physical stress response probably means he’s desensitized to shenanigans like these. 

And to be fair, he is.

A chuckle escapes Taeil as he pulls open a drawer, taking out his candy jar and a small picture frame. The photo inside is a little crinkled, but preserved well.

Taeil sees a group of adolescent boys, all covered in mud from an obstacle course and seemingly in the midst of an argument. The tallest of the bunch is pointing accusingly at a boy with large doe eyes, who’s gripping his hair and screaming right back. A gentle-faced boy stands off to the side, cleaning mud off his goggles with the hem of his dirty shirt. And another shorter, slighter boy is barely contained within the frame, facing the camera with mud and dirt streaked on his cheek and looking absolutely done with life. His sharp, dark eyes are hooded with a tiredness that extends beyond his years.

“Fifteen years,” Taeil murmurs as he runs his fingers over the frame carefully, tracing the faces of the youths in the photo. “Looks like all that practice was worth it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Bless Moon Taeil, he is one strong human being. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated! (^o^)
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Cydersyrup)  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/Cydersyrup)


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